Monday, March 17, 2014

Monday Memoirs-Becoming a follower of Jesus again


Linking up with Royal over @Royal Proclaims for another edition of Monday Memoirs. This time I am taking the serious route, exact opposite of last week! I usually don't get this serious and personal so brace yourself! 

I grew up going to church and I remember the first time I really felt Jesus in my heart as a child. However, this story is more about how I lost my relationship with Jesus and found it again. When I left for college, I completely forgot about any relationship I had with Jesus Christ. I am not sure why it happened but it did. I don't have any regrets about the way I lived my life in college but I do think things would have been easier for me with God in my life. My sophomore year of college, my roomate and best friend Ashley and I had a suitemate who was a strong believer. However, instead of encouraging us to come to church with her, she put us down constantly for the amount of partying we were doing and the fact that both of us were engaging in pre-marital sex with our boyfriends. She pretty much told us both we were going to Hell. The funny thing is 2 years later she ended up pregnant and having a shotgun wedding. SMH. She put a really bad taste in my mouth about religion and I drifted even further away from God after living with her. She did teach me a valuable lesson though because now that I am a believer I always make a conscious effort to not judge others who are not on what I may think is the "right" path.

Anyways, my senior year of college I went through a really bad breakup with my long term boyfriend. I rebounded fairly quickly with an older guy who was a police officer and had been married before and had two young children. When I say young, I mean young! His daughter was 19 months old when we started dating and his son was 3. He was not a good guy. I was very vulnerable after my breakup and jumped into a very serious relationship with him way too soon. The next two and half years of my life were miserable. I endured emotional, verbal and I am ashamed to admit, but physical abuse as well. He was very controlling and I lost a lot of my friends because he wouldn't "let me" hang out with people and because my friends couldn't stand to be around him. I am honestly to this day  not sure why it took me so long to leave the relationship.My family and friends were so worried about me and I really think during those 2 and a half years I lost myself.  My bubby, confident, upbeat personality had withered to a nervous, anxious, insecure girl. The only good part about the relationship were his children, who I became very close with. The weekends that we had his kids, he would usually sit in his chair and play video games, paying no attention to his kids. I became a second mom to them at the young age of 22. It was hard but I loved being a mom to them and I do think they were a big part of why I didn't want to leave the relationship.

One night we had a very bad fight and I won't go into details but he got physical. I went into the living room and was sitting on the couch crying when I noticed a bible that was just sitting there on the compartment under the coffee table. I knew it couldn't have been his because he was not a believer and never had been. I opened it up and printed on the inside cover was "Emilie" who was his ex wife. I opened it and noticed that many verses were highlighted and pages were dog eared. I began to read and my heart was just flooded with emotion. That very night for the first time in years, I prayed. I prayed for God to give me the courage to leave the relationship, I prayed for God to keep me safe, I prayed to God for strength. 9 days later, he put me down.  I don't even remember what he said but it was something mean. I looked at him in the eyes and said "I am not doing this anymore. I don't need you." I think at that moment I realized that all I needed was God in my life. I walked out of the house and called my friend Brittney who had told me whenever I was ready to leave, I could come stay with her and her husband Anthony in their spare room. I don't think she believed that I would come because I had said so many times I was going to leave but this time was different. I left and never came back, except to get my stuff a week later. I know his ex-wife Emilie was a believer and to this day I believe those same verses spoke to her and enabled her to leave the relationship as well. We always got along very well and to this day, we are still friends on Facebook. I have never told her about the bible but someday, I think I will.

The best thing about God is that He always has open arms for you whenever you decide to  come home. He loves you no matter what you have done. I started going back to church and worked on remending relationships with friends I had lost over the years. I became hungry to relearn everything I had forgotten about Him. I read the Bible, asked questions in Sunday School and prayed all the time. I became happy again and most importantly, I became myself again

God has been so faithful to me since I started following Him again. He has blessed me with a Christian husband, a beautiful baby girl, has repaired a relationship with a co-worker that I never dreamed could be fixed, has blessed many "infertile" people in my life with babies, has healed friends and family and so much more. I can't imagine my life without Him in it. He is so good, all the time.  I have many people in my life that are not followers and I am okay with that. I pray for them every night and pray that they will find God. Not because I think that they are  living their life the "wrong" way but because I want their lives to be filled with the wonderful feeling that I have. The power and love of Jesus Christ. :)

3 comments:

Royal @ Royal Proclaims said...

I love this. Thank you for sharing your story. I know that someone, somewhere will read this and feel your courage, perhaps moving her or him to make a decision too.
I sure hope his children are safe and that he doesn't get physical with them.

Thanks for joining the linkup!!

ap said...

Yes you are right, the arms of God are always open to anyone at any moment. I'm glad you're happy, healthy and safe. Hopped over from the link up with Royal.

Leslie said...

Love your strength. Jesus rocks!

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